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Q: On a tourist boat-cruise, an elderly couple were sitting in front of us. Throughout the four-hour trip, the wife kept turning around and staring at us, ignoring the passing scenery. We contemplated moving seats, but the boat was full. Thoughts? K.C., Newcastle, NSW
A: Patience is all-important here because this elderly woman may have had a cognitive impairment that was affecting her behaviour, making her think she knew you, or that you were going to harm her – which, after three-and-a-half hours, you were probably seriously contemplating, grabbing her
by the feet and arms and swinging her off the boat on the count of three.
Best not to engage with this peeking duckie and just enjoy the passing scenery, whatever you can make out of it around or under or over her gawking head. Or you could’ve dealt with her the same way you’d do with an annoying toddler on a plane, because they’re kind of the same: they both keep peeking around, they can both ruin your trip and you’re not allowed to jab either of them in the eye with a thumb.
So, as you’d do with a toddler on a plane, you could have given the woman a friendly smile the first time she turned around, a lesser smile the second time, politely asked, “Can I help you?” the third and fourth time, tried to ignore her the fifth through to the 12th time, scowled at her the 13th to the 30th time, mouthed mild obscenities the 31st to the 49th time and, on the 50th time, tapped her husband on the shoulder and said, “Excuse me, could you please stop your wife from bothering us? Give her a snack or an iPad or something to distract her. Would she like to play with my keys? I have jangly keys. Here, take my keys.”
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