Kathy Lette wanted a trip to make her feel young again. Here’s where she went

One of life’s great conundrums is why blokes prefer their women young and their wine old. This glaring double standard has driven women to wage an all-out war on ageing. So, what’s the best solution? Detox? Botox? A slimy green juice fast? A fancy face cream? Nope. The best way to look young is to be photographed in front of ancient monuments, antiques and relics. Combine this kind of historical trip with some vintage wine-tasting and surely any sane bloke will deduce that women also become more precious, nuanced and delicious as the years roll by. We’re not ageing, we’re maturing.

To test this theory, I took my boyfriend on a 10-day wine-tasting cruise along the Douro River, through Portugal’s UNESCO World Heritage-listed wine region, where lush vines cascade down undulating hills to the river’s sleepy banks.

The best way to see Europe is by boat. Before planes and trains, rivers and canals were the continent’s superhighways, with every major city accessible by boat. Adding to the attraction, aquatic sightseeing does away with so many travel hassles. There are no emphysemic hire cars, no “character building” accommodation, no botched hotel bookings, no endless packing and unpacking (and that’s just emotional baggage from navigating convoluted suborbital ring roads in a foreign language). Thanks to Donald Trump, wine will soon be cheaper than petrol, so drink, don’t drive.

Viking’s “River of Gold” adventure begins with two nights in the nation’s capital, Lisbon, reliving the 15th and 16th centuries, when Portuguese caravels and their intrepid crews set sail in search of new worlds, mapping vast oceans and connecting continents with nothing more than a sextant and a pickled sausage.

Remember all those school lessons on Vasco da Gama and Ferdinand Magellan? Well, Lisbon’s Maritime Museum brings their adventures to salt-encrusted life. Then it’s on to explore the baroque mosaic masterpiece of São Roque Church, imposing São Jorge castle and the city’s vibrant bohemian district before a Viking tour bus whisks us off to our next picturesque destination.

The multicoloured houses of Porto, the nation’s second city, cluster like cheerful barnacles up the steep riverbanks, leading to a medieval summit bristling with church spires. And a “night on the tiles” here takes on a whole new meaning as Porto’s buildings are beautifully decorated in trademark, traditional blue-and-white ceramics. Porto’s main activity, drinking port, feels less like tourism and more like a civic duty as you roam from cellar to cellar. Learning to differentiate the marmalade, spicy, smoky varieties from the coffee, toffee, and tawny ranges is happy homework indeed.

Then came the moment of truth: boarding our boat. Strolling across Douro’s majestic Dom Luís I bridge, which spans the rushing Douro between Porto and Vila Nova de Gaia, I spotted our Viking home for the next week, moored far below. Portugal is the sardine capital of the world and, to be honest, I wasn’t entirely thrilled by the idea of becoming one, packed into a floating tin can with strangers. How claustrophobic would I feel?

Exploring some of Europe’s most magnificent castles, palaces, cathedrals, monasteries and medieval fortresses definitely puts ageing into perspective.

All fears evaporate the moment we step into our spacious cabin, with its wide balcony, perfect for lazy hours watching the stunning scenery of the Douro River Valley roll gently by.

We set sail by moonlight to begin our river adventure and settled into a series of fascinating excursions, including to Iberia’s oldest university towns: Coimbra in Portugal and Salamanca in Spain. As I’d hoped, exploring some of Europe’s most magnificent castles, palaces, cathedrals, monasteries and medieval fortresses definitely puts ageing into perspective. And nothing makes a man appreciate maturity as much as sipping vintage wine among ancient vines.

Of course, the best thing about cruising is that you are umbilically attached to the mother ship. When your shoe leather’s worn out, you simply board your boat, lie supine on deck and glide off to your next enthralling port.

Viking’s boats, with their practical yet aesthetically pleasing design, are elegant and discreet. No casinos or squealing kids, just concerts, libraries, lectures and local gourmet delights. We feast on succulent grilled Portuguese prawns, fleshy mussels, cod cooked in smoked paprika, exotic Iberian pork casseroles and, best of all, the warm, creamy, lemony tang of Portuguese tarts, all washed down with the most delectable wines. I also drink in the fascinating fado singing with its poignant tales of love and loss.

It’s hard to be a “glass half-full” person right now. With the world in such turmoil, the glass seems chipped, cracked and full of shards. But learning about the great Portuguese navigators while sampling vintage vinos in one of the world’s oldest demarcated wine regions is a timely reminder that this too shall pass.

The only wrinkles I’m interested in now? The wrinkles in time I’ve experienced on my historical Portuguese river trip. My timeless takeaway? To carpe diem like there’s no tomorrow. Saúde and tchin-tchin!

Kathy Lette was a guest of Viking Cruises.

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