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Recently I attended a retirement party for a dear mentor and friend. It was a crowded affair, full of familiar faces and magnificent memories, and despite only rarely being social these days, I never wanted it to end.
By the time speeches came around, it was hard to shut down the squeals of recognition and animated chatter, but slowly we quietened for the lady of the moment. She thanked us all for coming, told us how much we all meant to her and then said something so simple but salient the entire crowd erupted in “hear hear” and applause.
“I will never understand why people want to work from home these days,” she lamented. “Look at us! We all met in an office. We all found a family together. We laughed, we cried and we grew. You don’t get that over a Zoom meeting.”
When the ovation finally quietened, I realised my heart was hurting. As someone in the latter years of my career, I knew I’d probably never get the opportunity to make friendships like those in that room again, to share life’s highs and lows daily, to bond on a deep level with colleagues. And damn, I was grateful I had.
Since that wonderful evening, I’ve been thinking a lot about connection and how hard it is to make friends like the ones in that room that night. Because it used to be easy: a disparate group was thrown together at school or work and told not just to get on, but to work as a team.
Not only did I meet most of the people I regard as my closest friends, my found family, at work, I went on to share houses with some and travelled the world with others. I’ve been beside them through marriage, divorce and many of life’s other obstacles, and they’ve been beside me through mine. It is impossible to imagine my life without these friends. They have helped shape me into who I am today.
As you get older, the opportunities to make new friends dwindle. Beyond shared interests, such as career, hobbies or a club, you need to be actively looking to form new friendships. Which makes me fear for young people who mainly communicate with others online. Just how do they meet, merge and form the bonds that connect us on tribal levels, that stop us feeling alone in this world? Sadly, the answer appears to be that they don’t.
Australia, like most wealthy nations, is experiencing a loneliness epidemic. According to The Real Relationships Report 2025, more than half of us believe the number of close friends we have is shrinking, and a disturbing 12 per cent say they have no close friends at all.
Among those who have tried making friends, one in two say it’s more difficult than it used to be, a sentiment felt most strongly by younger generations (55 per cent of Gen Z and 57 per cent of Gen Y). Add the cost of living crisis and nearly half of all young people believe they miss out on making memories with friends due to financial restraints. And this breaks my heart.
Because not only did I make friends at work, I also met most of my romantic partners on the job, or after being introduced by a colleague. No wonder half of all Australians say dating has become harder in recent years as the office romances that were once so commonplace are now actively avoided and discouraged. So we are a nation in which too many of us don’t have enough friends, or a partner, and in which there are fewer opportunities to overcome this problem.
So what is the answer? I believe it is to just get out there wherever, whenever and however you can. There was a campaign in my youth called “Life. Be in it”, primarily focused on improving physical health by getting Aussies “off the couch” and moving. I suggest we bring it back, this time aimed at improving our overall wellbeing.
Because loneliness isn’t just toxic to our mental health, it crushes us physically and spiritually. Statistics show the lonely have higher risks of dementia, depression, anxiety, poor sleep, substance misuse, overworking, overeating and addiction.
The first wave of the new campaign could be: “Stop texting and start talking.” Because the best way to find common threads that can be woven into something bigger is through real conversation. Dig a bit deeper into how someone ticks and you might just find that the unifying thread you can build on is that they are lonely, too.
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