I gave my colleague a bad reference and got called out. Was I in the wrong?

Each week, Dr Kirstin Ferguson tackles questions about workplace, career and leadership in her advice column Got a Minute? This week: the perils of giving a bad reference, an inexperienced manager and a career rollercoaster.

A colleague told me they intended to leave our company and asked if I would be a referee. I was secretly pleased, as this person has been underperforming for some time. I was contacted by someone on a selection panel and I answered their questions truthfully. Days later, I was shocked when my colleague approached me and said the selection panel told them one of their referees was “not acting in their best interests”. What should I have done? Lied to the panel and said they were brilliant when they’re not? And was it ethical for the selection panel to “dob in” a referee?

Being a referee is a serious undertaking and one you shouldn’t ever accept unless you can be honest, balanced and factual. If you had reservations about the person asking you to be a referee, the best time to raise that would have been when they asked you. You could have said something like: “Sure, happy to help, but I will need to raise the development issues we discussed, if asked.” The person can then decide whether to put you forward, and you have been transparent.

That said, it was highly questionable of the selection panel to tell the candidate that they were not getting the job specifically due to a referee. Reference checks are supposed to be confidential, precisely so referees can give an honest assessment. Most recruitment professionals would consider what happened a breach of that confidence. Great lessons all round for next time you are asked.

I’m a senior member of a team that has a new manager with zero experience in our work or sector. Almost five months in, there’s been little attempt to engage with the work and I am drowning under the weight of my own workload and filling the skills gap of this manager. I’ve raised my concerns but nothing has changed and I am not coping. Is there anything I can do other than leave?

What you can do straight away is stop filling the gaps left by the new manager. While I know you are trying to help, all you are doing is making the problem invisible to those who need to see what is going on. You are also making it much harder for your new manager to know where they are lacking. It sounds like your new manager has probably been put in a role they are not ready for and have effectively been set up to fail.

Start keeping a record of the work you have been doing to cover for your manager, note what is falling between the cracks and what you are having to resolve that should be done by management. You can then raise your concerns with your new manager, if you feel able to talk to them, or else escalate further.

I’m 50 and my career has been anything but linear. I have worked in the media industry with critical success but little financial reward, as I have largely been a freelancer. I recently went back to university and moved into a new sector, but despite some creative wins and recognition, I haven’t been able to find a permanent job. In 18 months, I’ve only had three interviews. I have a large HECS debt, negligible income and suspect I have late-onset ADHD. My husband is angry that I haven’t contributed financially over the past 20 years, and we’re well behind our friends. I can’t sleep for worrying about the future. What do I do?

That is a lot to be carrying and the sleeplessness and anxiety suggests it is not sustainable. First things first, in terms of your suspected ADHD, is there anything preventing you from being assessed? If you think that has been an issue for you, then being diagnosed and treated will perhaps let you reframe a lot of the self-blame that is coming through in your letter. It will also help you tackle everything else you need to deal with, including at home.

While a non-linear career story is harder to tell than a linear one, it’s not impossible. The fact you have achieved critical acclaim and recognition is a real credential and your challenge is to translate that into a language that lands with future employers. They may not see the skills behind that recognition that will directly assist their organisation. You will need to help them with that.

Do take care of yourself. Your life and work has real value.

To submit a question about work, careers or leadership, visit kirstinferguson.com/ask. You will not be asked to provide your name or any identifying information. Letters may be edited.